typealice

1 | Siobhan

January 14th, 2009 at 6:34 pm

I am an only child and I can’t remember feeling lonely growing up. I lived in a neighborhood with tons of other kids my age and my parents were really great about playing with me and letting me have friends over. I also think that as a kid you don’t really know what you’re missing. That said, as an only adult child to divorced parents, I wish I had a sibling all the time. Juggling the responsibilities and expectations of my parents can be overwhelming at times. I know that sounds selfish, but it’s a reality for a lot of only children. I think two is the way to go, even if it means more work for you and Clive in the early years.

2 | ambera

January 14th, 2009 at 7:33 pm

Holy MOLY!
More babies! I’m down with that.

3 | Carla

January 14th, 2009 at 7:44 pm

I think you’re at about the right age gap. My nieces are 3 and just turning 1. The oldest is old enough to be a true big sister, to get to help out and guide, but the gap isn’t big enough that they aren’t “learning” some things together still. My next sibling is 9 years my senior, so I was basically an only “child”. I know it no other way. We are BY FAR closer than either of us is with out other sister, who is 13 yrs older than I and 4 older than her. They have the most “in common” with two kids roughly the same age, house, husband…but we understand each other on a totally different level. In the end I think it depends on the children themselves and all your planning for them to be best buds may or may not work.

4 | Kris

January 14th, 2009 at 8:26 pm

YAY!

5 | Asheo

January 14th, 2009 at 8:40 pm

I am so excited for you Gillian!
I can’t imagine being an only child… I’m still getting brothers and sisters lol, I’ll be up to 6 this fall, so awesome! (even though I feel more like an Aunt to my baby siblings).
I’m very much hoping to be pregnant ASAP so I can go through it with my Step-Mom again (she’s only 26, a whole 5 years older than me)… it’s just a great thing to have our kids so close together.
As scary as it is to me, adding a second baby to our family, I think it’ll be so exciting at the same time, and great for Aiden to have someone to grow up with.
I’m hoping my morning sickness doesn’t get as bad this time around… I can’t imagine having to care for a toddler and being that sick all day. but we do what we have to lol.

6 | Amanda

January 14th, 2009 at 8:54 pm

I’m an only child of a backwater town. I remember being lonely all the time. I have limited social skills because of it. Any one remember the “Hi Ambera I’m your stalker” incident? Social skills of a newt. Im with you on this one G, GO BABY MACHINE! <- another perfect example. socialize em.

7 | Jill

January 14th, 2009 at 11:17 pm

I too am an only child, and didn’t really know what I was missing as a kid. My memories of friends with siblings are that they never really got along with their brother or sister (until they were older). The younger one was the pesky little kid and the older ones were too cool to play with us.

I had a very close friend who was like a sister to me, and when we got tired of playing, we could go our separate ways. As an only child, I like be around people, but I do enjoy quite time alone as well.

I do at times wish I had a sibling now though, especially (as Siobhan said) as the reality of aging parents creeps closer. Quite a responsibility. But, c’est la vie, right?

I’d like to have 2 kids though, so they have each other as kids and adults (and the hubby’s on board, too). A couple more years though, til we try for the first one.

Good luck!

8 | Victoria

January 14th, 2009 at 11:32 pm

I’m also an only child. Like Siobhan I was pretty indifferent about it as a kid (although having a buddy when we went on vacations would have been awesome), but after my parents divorced (only two years ago so I was an adult) I really wished I had one. It would’ve been nice to have someone that knew exactly what I was going through at that time and I wasn’t the only one stuck in the middle.
But obviously that’s not the case for every family, but in now hearing stories and seeing the close friendships my boyfriend and friends have with their siblings, I wish I had the opportunity to develop those types of relationships too.
Not to mention the only kids get made fun of all the time for being spoiled! It’s the first thing people say when they find out you have no siblings! So irritating and ignorant.

9 | typealice

January 15th, 2009 at 3:46 am

Thanks guys, for the input! I always felt that only children were a little off- and yeah, I remember thinking that only children were spoiled. Maybe kids with siblings were just jealous? I remember one kid I knew who had SO MANY TOYS and she was an only child. I think she was spoiled though.

10 | kristen

January 15th, 2009 at 7:37 am

My nephew is 6 and loves being an only child (he talks about it all the time), which is good, because my sister doesn’t want to have another one. He is much less spoiled materialistically than my brothers 4 kids (going on 5). On the other hand, he gets a lot of attention and focus from my sister, which is turning him into an eloquent, well-behaved boy, as opposed to my brother’s 4 kids under 6, who don’t get enough attention from their parents who are too busy focusing on the newest baby to deal with the behavioral and learning problems they are potentially causing with their older kids. Nothing like a 5 year old telling her parents that they don’t love her as they’re too busy trying to make a sister for her out of some illogical reasoning that all sisters are best friends.

I love the relationship I have with my 7-years-older sister. We are beyond best friends. But I have no relationship whatsoever with my 4-years-old brother. Even less that when we were kids.

So it can go either way.

If my husband and I do have kids (he’s 39, I’m 33, and still don’t feel the need for a baby besides the guilt and time-crunch), we’ll have no problem having just one. My mother was an only child, and while she says she was sometimes lonely as a kid, she’s one of the most interesting, creative people I know because of it.

11 | kristen

January 15th, 2009 at 7:41 am

I wanted to add that I was recently talking to my sister about when we were younger. Despite the 7 years age difference, we were close even then. I tagged along with her friends and it was never an issue. But I think this is the exception.

12 | Erica

January 15th, 2009 at 8:26 am

My sisters are very close in age, and I am quite a bit older. They are extremely close and I barely know them. Hopefully that will change one day. That being said, we were all close when we were little (it changed I think when I hit puberty and they were still little kids). Nonetheless I’ve always appreciated having them around; I can’t imagine having been the sole object of parental focus. Having siblings has made me more independent and self-assured.

13 | Ashley

January 15th, 2009 at 9:11 am

Im an only. I can’t say I was lonely per se. But I was a loner.

Hurry up and get preggo! Fall/winter babies are great — you just hibernate for all those early months! LOL

14 | Kaitlyn

January 15th, 2009 at 9:13 am

My brother and I are exactly 2 weeks shy of 2 years apart. He’s one of my best friends, but our situation isn’t particularly ideal because our parent’s divorced… so we lacked attention growing up, from either parent, but we always had each other. He’s an incredible person and I’d be a very different person if I didn’t have him growing up.
I, personally, want to have at least 2 children. The relationship between siblings is incredible and indescribable – but that goes beyond one-on-one play time. The age gap isn’t an issue – the ideas lie behind the type of people your children are.
My ex and his sister had a thirteen year gap, but they’re as close as my brother and I because his sister adored him and spent a great deal of time with him.
It can go either way. Regardless of the age difference, or the relationship your children outwardly show that they have, the relationship between siblings cannot be imitated nor replaced in any other way. For better or for worse.

15 | kellyMarie

January 15th, 2009 at 9:14 am

Lucky you. I’m still waiting for a yes or no from ben about starting to try for #2 next month.

16 | typealice

January 15th, 2009 at 9:23 am

I don’t want a baby anytime near xmas. And I was SO looking forward to finally being able to get a tattoo in the spring… I guess it’ll happen when it happens and that’s all the planning we’ll do.

But another one is coming, for sure.

17 | kristen

January 15th, 2009 at 9:27 am

My birthday is 8 days before Christmas and I LOVE it (I don’t have the name Kristen Noelle for nothing). I wouldn’t want to be any closer, or after Christmas, or especially in the depressing few weeks after New Year’s. But I love having my birthday in the midst of all the holiday decorations, excitement, and (hopefully, usually) snow. I never had a problem with having a Christmas birthday when I was a kid. I got to be the focus of our family’s big Christmas party!

18 | Jan

January 15th, 2009 at 9:46 am

First off, good luck! I hope IUD removal and getting pregnant again go smoothly for you.

I also have to chime in on the only child thing, for the record. I LOVED being an only child. I had lots of great friends and was close to my cousins, but if I wanted to be alone to do my own thing, I never had to worry about “hiding” from my siblings to get some peace. Cool new toys? No need to share and risk having someone else break it into bits! And to this day I still have some of the very same best friends, from before I was even in school, despite living thousands of miles apart as adults (and I’m in my 30s now so we’re talking 25＋years of friendship here.)

Just throwing that out there as one more affirmation that being an only child can be a positive experience for the child, if that’s how things play out.

19 | Jen

January 15th, 2009 at 10:32 am

Sorry, I didn’t read all the other comments, so apologies in advance if its been said. I was more or less an only child and have the interesting perpective of living both lives as my parents divorced when I was 8 and my brother lived with my dad and I lived with my mom for the rest of my growing up days. Was I lonely?Absolutely not. I think only children tend to get a bit more of their parents time – they can sign up for any sort of activity and not worry about it conflicting with their siblings, for example. they often have good friendships. Also, I think not every sibling relationship, regardless of age difference, is good or bad depending on the age difference. My brother and I are 4 years apart and are very close now as adults, and i have friends that are a year or two apart and can’t stand each other to this day. So its essentially a crapshoot. We keep getting asked when the second baby is going to happen and I honestly don’t know if there will be a second baby.

20 | L

January 15th, 2009 at 11:05 am

hooray!

21 | Michelle

January 15th, 2009 at 12:20 pm

How exciting! Ash will be a very sweet big brother, I predict. We did discuss number of kids beforehand. Ian was always stuck on two, I said three. He came around. Now, I am absolutely positive that I want a fourth. He said no way… until he did some Deep Thinking about it and came around. My best Christmas gift this year was the word yes!

Oh and while I agree spacing doesn’t necessarily affect bonding, I do agree there is something about the sibling bond that I feel is so special and irreplaceable.

22 | Elizabeth

January 15th, 2009 at 1:53 pm

You mentioned that you don’t like the idea of stopping breastfeeding Ash before two years, but are considering it so you can get pregnant again. My mother managed to successfully breastfeed my older sister for several months while she was pregnant with me before she had to stop due to poor weight gain, and she knew a few women who managed to nurse through their entire pregnancies and continued nursing both children after the birth of the new child. While this certainly doesn’t work for everyone and may not be successful for you, don’t give up! It is possible to have the best of both worlds!

23 | typealice

January 15th, 2009 at 2:47 pm

Elizabeth: I’ll definitely nurse for as long as possible through my pregnancy and if Ash interested tandem nurse too! I just know it’s extremely difficult to do. A lot of women hate to nurse while pregnant- they feel claustrophobic and it can be painful and annoying. I hope to do it for as long as possible.

Who knows, I might not get pregnant until May or later, so it might not be that hard to make it to my original goal.

24 | Sophie

January 15th, 2009 at 3:03 pm

I was an only child and spent a lot of my time alone as a child because I always lived so far from school in areas with older people rather than young families with kids, so I’d have liked siblings to play with. Although I was never unhappy, I know at some points my mum worried I wasn’t spending enough time with people my own age (and forced me into extra curricular activities so I would talk to people). Looking back I wish I’d had people to talk to, and now I notice I’m missing out on another big part of having a sibling, which is having neices/nephews. A lot of my friends are now becoming aunties and uncles and it makes me sad to know I’ll never have that role (which could be a little selfish, but it’s something I’ve felt a lot recently). I hope when I feel ready for children I’ll be able to have a large family because it just seems so much more fun than being alone. Not that there aren’t great aspects to being on your own as a child, but these points have already been brought up.
Good luck with everything.
X

25 | Krissa

January 15th, 2009 at 3:48 pm

Yay! Congratulations on making the decision, and I look forward to reading about a new baby!

I am the middle child of three, with a total age spread of 3 years, 7 months. My little sister and I have always gotten along famously. My older brother and I butted heads our entire childhood. My sister and brother, though, were always good friends.
I don’t think age difference is always an issue. My brother and I have completely different personalities and interests, and as an adult I like him just fine, but if we were not siblings we wouldn’t be friends. However this new adventure turns out for your family, the best you can do is love those kiddos for who they are, and they’ll sort the rest out OK.

Oh, and don’t let Ash put a BB into the future sibling’s ear while Sibling sleeps. Just a little PSA from me to you!

26 | Erica

January 15th, 2009 at 4:27 pm

Dumb question: do you have to wean to ovulate?

27 | typealice

January 15th, 2009 at 4:35 pm

I think it depends on the person. I have friends that have EBF their baby and got their periods within a few months (6-8 months). I still have not have a naturally occuring period, so I don’t know if I ovulated or not. I have a friend who has a one year old and she hasn’t had a period yet either.

Jokes go around saying that bf is not good birth control, so I guess that’s your answer.

28 | Maggie

January 15th, 2009 at 5:26 pm

How very exciting! Having two kids so close in age is so wonderful. It’s hard at first…sooo hard, but worth every sleepless night. Jealousy doesn’t have to be an issue, it wasn’t really when we had our second because we always made sure that the older child still got lots of one on one time (as I am sure you will). Just be prepared for your relationship with Ash to change. My older child decided that he is Daddy’s and the new baby is mine. It hurts my feelings sometimes because we were so close for so long. I’m still glad we had them so close together though (23 months). They are already best friends and the older child loves helping with the baby!

I hope everything goes well for you.

29 | Carmen

January 15th, 2009 at 5:29 pm

The one thing i would say is..don’t get it stuck in your head about the children being friends. I have 2 brothers..a twin, and an older half brother. My twin and I were never friends…we were completely different people and got along terribly from the age of about 8 or so onward. We interacted almost none at all after that age…only when forced to by our parents, and then we would fight. WE are better now, though not really friends. It’s more like we recognize that as siblings we should get along, so we do. But then we turn 30 in 3 months, so I think it’s just more of an age thing. But we’re not friends. My older brother didn’t live with us most of the time..though we got along great, and still do, in fact. We have very much in common. However I saw him a few weeks out of every year. So I wasn’t’ raised with him.
I almost consider myself an only child, b/c of the situation with my brothers. My twin and I never played together, or any of that (after the age of 8 or so). It didn’t’ bother me though, being essentially an only child. But then I am a solitary person by nature, and I’m fine with it.
I just think you shouldn’t get too stuck on the idea they’ll be great friends. Sometimes people are just too different to be friends.

30 | Asheo

January 15th, 2009 at 5:55 pm

I was lucky (haha) and got my period a month after my PP bleeding ended.

I’ve never heard of twins not being friends, odd.

I plan to BF Aiden for as long as he wants up to age 3, so I’m hoping all goes well through my *hopefully* soon pregnancy.

31 | lily

January 15th, 2009 at 11:58 pm

have you considered that it was just a gender issue that kept more distance between you and your brother? I am closer with or just have more of a likeness to my sister who is four years older but my brother who is only two years older never really got me. Then again nothing like this can ever be planned or controlled to the extent where you can predict the dynamic of the relationship.

32 | typealice

January 16th, 2009 at 3:22 am

Yeah, I think while that was a factor, age was more of the issue. He and my sister got along fine.

33 | Jenni

January 16th, 2009 at 6:43 am

Horrayyy! What wonderful news Gillian, good luck with everything, im already looking forward to reading all about it.

34 | Jill B.

January 16th, 2009 at 11:11 am

How exciting! I wish I could make up my mind. I am still going back and forth about whether or to to have another baby. My husband is in his mid 30s and has a 10 year old and I think he’s done having babies. He says the decision is mine though.

I had a brother 2 years older than me and we were close up until he reached puberty. Then he stopped talking to me. He still doesn’t speak to me. It’s like I am an only child. I’m like you in that I want another one only so Ivy can have a sibling.

The fact that I’m getting close to 30 makes me want to hurry up and decide!

35 | Kirstin

January 16th, 2009 at 10:43 pm

I’m a newish reader to your blog, but just wanted to say:
1. Your son is totally beautiful.
2. I agree with your whole couple years between theory. My brother and sister are a whopping 13 months apart, and get mistaken for twins all the time…and its not just because they look alike. Me to them on the other hand, with a 5.5 and 6 year difference, not so much. We all love each other, but never played, and still just kind of chat a little, with no connection unfortunately…If you think you’re ready in all those ways you need to be, I say go for it. <3

Good luck!

36 | Ali

January 17th, 2009 at 8:04 pm

My older sister is 3 years older than me, and my younger sister is 7 years younger. I got along great with them (for the most part) despite the age gaps. My older sister and younger sister (10 years apart) didn’t form a deep relationship, but they are fairly close now regardless. I say the amount of years between siblings doesn’t always matter, it really depends on the kids’ personalities and their environment. Either way, congrats on making the decision and I’ll be crossing my fingers for a safe 2nd pregnancy for you!

37 | k

January 18th, 2009 at 5:27 am

FYI: As for the ORBS in your picture; some say they’re actually spirits.

38 | k

January 18th, 2009 at 5:32 am

haha!
Sorry; finally saw your comment to the pic; you already knew that.!!

sorry! D’oh!

39 | Ashley M.

January 18th, 2009 at 7:29 pm

Yay! I’m so excited for you!
And because of this blog, I brought up the when-to-have-the-next topic over dinner the other night. And it looks like we’re gonna try to make Finn a little brother or sister starting next January. Woohoo!

40 | typealice

January 18th, 2009 at 7:58 pm

That’s awesome, Ashley!

Also, I should warn you, should our next baby be a boy, his name will be Finn.

If it’s a girl, she’ll be Bahari.

41 | JessicaLea

January 19th, 2009 at 12:57 pm

WOW I don’t even know you and I am soooo happy for you!

42 | CherylC

January 19th, 2009 at 1:37 pm

It would be nice if all siblings could get along as friends, but it all comes down to personality types over age range (IMHO).

I grew up with 3 younger siblings (sister: 1.5yrs younger, brother: 4 years, brother 7 years.)

My sister and I? NOT friends, don’t get along for the most part. We can pretend to pretty well though

My brothers and I? The exact opposite. I actually have more in common with my youngest brother & we get along the best.

Go figure.

43 | melanie

January 19th, 2009 at 9:32 pm

I read all of these comments the other day and thought “I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking about timing”. In fact, I wish I could STOP thinking about it sometimes because I don’t want to think about it too much but at the same time I keep thinking about it. So far I’m pretty sure we will start trying again next January which gives us a year of trying NOT to get pregnant. I want my daughter to have a sibiling close in age because my siblings are 10 and 7 years old than me and even though my sister and I (10 years older) are close she moved out of the house when I went into grade 4 so we weren’t close growing up. I’m so glad you brought up this subject Gillian so I could reap the benefits of all your readers comments.

44 | Pip

January 21st, 2009 at 3:45 pm

My sister and I were 2 years apart, give or take a few weeks, and we loathe each other. We get on fine if we never have to see each other (so it’s great that she’s moved to another country now), but face to face she still treats me like her baby sister even though I’m 30 and she’s 32, and it drives me nuts!

Sometimes these things happen. I think if I had an older brother rather than a sister it would be easier because I wouldn’t have had a direct comparison to live up to, and wouldn’t have always had hand-me-downs. It’s hard being a younger sibling.

2 years seemed a fairly standard gap between kids when I was young, so all my sister’s friends’ sisters were at school with me.