I really, really hate my birthday. I don’t remember a time that I actually enjoyed having a birthday. It tends to fall on Easter weekend (as it does this year) and when I was a kid if I was having a birthday party most people would tell me that they couldn’t come because they were going to be visiting their grandmother and couldn’t come. Or, the dirt road I lived on (2.5km back) would be so muddy that people couldn’t even drive to my house. I eventually stopped having birthday parties.
Getting older they mostly just made me uncomfortable. I just don’t enjoy the fuss. I know I should suck up the attention and the gifts and the cake, but I just can’t help but feel awkward about it all.
I have no plans for this Sunday, other than a sushi lunch and to sleep in. I’d like to spend some time with my family and away from my family and that’s about it.
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Work is going well, outside of the sore feet. The woman that Ash has been staying with for this week looks totally BEAT DOWN at the end of the day, and I don’t think it’s Ash that’s wearing her out, but rather the fact that her daughter is 1. sick with a cold 2. the grabbiest kid I’ve ever met and tries to steal everything out of Ash’s hands that she can, whether she actually wants it or not. I wish I could afford to give her more money because it can be such hard work to take on two kids, but I can’t… I’m pretty much paying “top dollar” as it is.
I don’t miss Ash nearly as much as I thought I would, though today was the hardest day so far, and I’m actually enjoying having time by myself and even though he comes up in conversation with nearly every customer at the store (relating products back to my own experience), it doesn’t pull on my heartstrings as I anticipated.
It’s also nice to walk down the street and not just be a mom, but rather a real woman again.
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Lately I’ve been taking a couple of hours a week to myself while Clive takes care of Ash and may I just say that it’s been a wonderful, wonderful thing to do for myself and I have no idea why it took me so long. A couple of weeks ago I went to a really nice park and walked around, sometimes I hang out with one of our single friends and talk about things other than baaaabies and it’s been great for the soul. It’s so hard to get out of mama mode when I’m stuck in the house all day long, or even if we’re out and Ash is with me. I feel like a PERSON again and its wonderful.
