If I was a betting lady, I’d say (with fingers crossed) that night nursing may be coming to a close.
I’ve been trying to slow down for months (hell, years) now, but was always met with so much resistance (read: THE DEVASTATION! the wails! the earth-crumbling tears!) that I figured that it was just easier to go with it and keep him happy and asleep and when he was ready, it would stop.
Well, the past few months have been hard, with me spending my days and then evenings working so much, to be woken up every two hours through the night to nurse (and then to have the demand to “switch sides!” vocalized by a little 27lb man), I just was too tired to keep up with it, so started saying “no.” Again, with the wails. Some nights I stuck with it, and just tried to comfort him other ways, some nights I just gave in, and some nights I tried to say no, but then would give up and pretend like I was just saying no until he said “the magic word.” He smartened up pretty quickly and would then ask, “milk please!!!”
Then he started getting angry when I’d tell him no, and the hitting started. For a few weeks, he’d fling his arms and legs out, with the intention of hurting me, getting back at me for telling him no. Then the hitting suddenly stopped, and in the past week or so, I’ve been able to tell him “soon” instead of no, and have successfully switched it from every two hours to ONCE a night, usually between 4:30-4:40am. He still demands to be cuddled and to “touch them” (his words, not mine), and if he could sleep with each hand cupping a boob all night long, that’s exactly what he would do. I figure this will slowly stop too, and then we’ll be done with nursing.
My milk supply is quickly depleting. Clive mentioned the other day that my boobs are almost back to their normal size (which was a C, they’re currently a D), and because it’s happened so gradually, I’ve hardly noticed. I’m working on a blurb book for Ash and came across this photo of him and my ENORMOUS BOOBS and could hardly believe it. I always thought there were a DD at their biggest, but he’s about two months old in that picture, and they’re way bigger than a DD. I remember looking down at my newborn and realizing that my boob was about twice as big as his head, but seriously- those suckers are huuuuge. I do not miss them.
Now, whether I’ll miss nursing is hard to say. I mean, of course I will. I almost feel “ready” to let it go. I never offer Ash the boob, he always comes to me, but I dread the idea of trying to get him to nap during the day or to fall asleep at night without the power of my milk. Clive can get him to go to sleep on his days solo with him, but only by driving him around (the beloved “Drive of Shame”), and that is not a reasonable alternative for me.
I’ve given up hope that he’ll get the chicken pox before we’re done nursing- there was a major attempt at a small Pox Party before Christmas, but nothing came of it, but he’s sick right now and his appetite is absolutely gone (yesterday he ate about 30 raisins, and today he drank diluted apple juice and french fries), so I’m happy that he’s getting a least a little bit of my milk, albeit a very small amount- at least it’s best possible thing he could ever ingest.
It’s the small changes I notice; when he’s hurt now he doesn’t immediately ask for milk. When he’s hungry he doesn’t immediately ask for milk. When he comes home from school he doesn’t immediately ask for milk. When he stirs in the middle of the night he doesn’t immediately ask for milk. I’m 100% following his lead on this one, and I’d be happy to nurse once a day for the next year, but I have a sneaking suspicion that that won’t be happening.
