typealice

I already wrote about where this piece of furniture came from, but after two years of having it, it finally got the makeover that we’d been planning and it deserved.

It started out looking like this, straight from the side of the road. One of the speaker covers was ripped, and it was painted a very light blue. Paint was chipped away on several places, including the front.

A coat of ivory/beige paint from the rejects section of a local paint store, costing me $2 starts the makeover.

A map of Paris on a large sheet of paper from a local art supplies store is glue sticked onto a piece of old foam board and the speakers are covered, completing the makeover.

And now it’s finished! It cost $7 for the makeover, and hardly any time. Cutting the foam board was the most time intensive and annoying part of the task. Oh, and keeping little fingers away from the wet paint.

So, I had kept it together, pretty much, about Ash’s daycare situation, and went in on Friday to say goodbye to his teacher and see if I could meet anyone new that was going to be taking care of him, and had planned on keeping my cool when saying goodbye, but as soon as I saw Christina I lost it. I jokingly yelled, “I’m mad at you!” and then said said, “I knooow” and then I BAWLED. In front of other parents, in front of other workers and all the explaining I tried to do (“you are the only one who knows him, you’ve been there since the beginning, you’re his favorite, you’re the only consistancy that this place offers, there’s so much staff turnover, he misses Jack [the last person to leave] and he was only there three weeks, but you’ve been there for four months” etc etc) just made it worse and she brought me into her office instead, so that I could sputter and stammer and breathe deeply just with her, instead of having everyone else see.

I totally embarassed myself. It was the first day of my period and I just couldn’t control it. She was the only rock that both Ash and I had for daycare and now she’s gone.

I did meet Caitlin, the new girl- with the Bachelor of Music- and she seems nice and happy and I asked her point blank if she was planning on sticking around, and she said yes, but doesn’t everyone say that (and maybe think that) within the first week of a new job. It takes a special someone to be able to work in a daycare, and it’s usually not someone with a Bachelor of Music.

I’m going to see if I can find someone to take Ash into their home, I guess. There are ups and downs for that situation too- because they will need vacation time, if they’re sick there’s no backup etc etc, but I hope to find some kind of solution that makes us all happy, sooner rather than later.

There’s a lot of staff turnover at the daycare that Ash attends. I’m told that it’s part of the industry standard, and I can see why. Being one of two or three teachers in a room that holds 14-18 toddlers (capacity being 18 kids) and not LOSING IT would take a certain personality type, one that I don’t definitely don’t have. The whining, the snot, the hundreds of diaper changes from all kinds of diets every week, the different diets and routines and likes and dislikes that every child has- it wouldn’t be for everyone.

Not all staff needs to be ECE trained, just a certain percentage of them, and the rest can be as plain as you and I. The one person that’s been there for Ash since the beginning, Christina, has been the constant in Ash’s daycare life, and knows him in and out, and for a long time it was just her and two children, one of them being Ash. There was a man named Jack, who was a dad of a four year old, and although his start was rocky and he seemed unsure of everything, I thought he’d do well. Ash liked him, and he seemed much better at everything until he up and quit, three weeks in. Ash noticed his absence and asked about him and it was heartbreaking.

Throughout the day, when I see him via the webcam, there are girls there that I’ve never met and I know there’s a lot of turnover amongst them- or just women coming in from different rooms; the infant rooms, the school age rooms, just to help fill in while they’re consistently trying to find new staff.

A woman started last week named Caitlin, who I’m told has experience with children, but also a degree in music. Ash likes her a lot- she brings her guitar and Clive (who does all the pick ups and drop offs) says that she’s a great singer and the kids like the songs she sings. I was feeling optimistic about her, even though I do wonder if working in a daycare is going to be a very temporary gig until she finds something real in her field, but Ash always has Christina as a constant, even if everyone else comes and goes.

Do you see where this is going?

Last night parents got an email from the site director telling us that Christina is leaving, and that her last day will be today. I am devastated. I got that email and I cried. It means that Ash will spend three days a week at a daycare where the most someone has known him (and 16 other toddlers) will be A WEEK. A FUCKING WEEK.

This is not enough to make me feel comfortable. This is not enough to know ANY kid enough to know what they can/can’t eat, when they need to be put on the potty, what they need in order to fall asleep, who likes what toy, whatever. Plus, I have never met ANYONE who will be responsible for my child for 27 hours a week partially because Clive does the pickup and drop-off and partially because they’re so new that I just haven’t had the chance.

My knee-jerk reaction is to take him out of day care IMMEDIATELY and quit my job and stay home with him and live happily (albeit bored-ly and poor-ly) ever after. He has already stopped wanting to go to school in the morning often cries and doesn’t want us to leave, so this major change is absolutely heartbreaking.

I know that this is part of the daycare lifestyle (right? WHY does it seem like so many people are quitting at this daycare?), but it doesn’t feel natural or normal and the Mama Bear in me, the protective and suspicious part in me, is coming out full force and I no longer feel comfortable putting him there.

My options are limited. I don’t want to, and pretty much can’t quit my job because we need that extra income. And I love my job. I mean LOVE it. It has given me new meaning in my life, in part with the hopes of changing other people’s parenting to more natural methods, and the other part to give me a sense of self after totally losing it for a year and a half of being a stay-at-home mom. It was so lost that I didn’t realize it until I started spending my days away from the house and taking interest in other things besides Ash’s poop.

Putting him in another day care is not an option; in part because there’s a huge waiting list on all of them (except for one that’s new that I visited a few weeks ago and it’s HORRID and TINY and the site director SMOKES on the front step of the building).

Home care is an option, but I’m wary about it because of the people I’ve seen who do private care in their homes playing at the playground are so sketchy. And watch Oprah when they’re supposed to be taking care of my precious pumpkin head.

I don’t know what the answer is. It’s no longer an easy decision for me. I had found balance- with him at daycare three days a week, and him at home with me three days a week and alone with Clive for a day a week, it felt good. I still miss him of course, but I was okay with it. Now, I don’t know. I don’t want to be a full time stay-at-home-mom anymore, but this daycare scares me. I want to know why the staff is leaving so often. I want to give Ash a stable place that he feels comfortable and secure in, and this is just not cutting it.

Dear Ash,

You’re 24 months old today! You’re “two yea-ol” as you say. I can’t believe you’re two already. You’re getting to be such a big little kid.

This month has been full of changes. It went from summer to fall, we moved houses and you’re potty trained!

August was fun, and there was lots of outside time as we soaked up the last bits of summer. There were trips to the beach and playground and we had a wonderful time playing together. I’m going to miss the summer months now that we’re heading into autumn and then winter- summer is so much more fun now that you’re old enough to do things and we, as adults, have a great excuse to take the day off and spend it outside.

On August 20 we moved- hopefully for the last time for the next couple of years- into a huge old house. You sensed the upcoming change and had a hard time going to sleep at night, and there were many nights where you’d fight it until 11 or 12. It was hard on both of us- I had so much packing to do and you need those precious hours of sleep, but luckily you’re pretty well behaved at night when you know you’re not supposed to be awake. It’s about the only time recently when you’re awesome at solo play. You used to be fantastic at playing by yourself, but since you started daycare and we don’t get to see you very much, when you’re home you tend to need a lot of attention.

The transition into our new house went well. It’s much bigger than our old house so you would get lost for about the first week, and turn around in circles and say, “where’d the basement go?” or “where’d the bedroom go?” You have your own room now, a place that’s mainly somewhere to store your toys, and you’re still sleeping with us. We kept you in our bed for the first few days, trying to make the transition smoother so you wouldn’t get scared or confused about where you were, but now you sleep most of the night on your little mattress beside our king size bed. You sleep SO MUCH BETTER there, it’s amazing. We went from waking up every 1.5 hours a night to waking up once at 3am and 6am for a quick nurse and then back to sleep. You even slept through the night THREE more times since last month, bringing up your grand total to four times in your entire life. I’m in no rush to move you out of our bed, I love-love-love snuggling you if you do come up into the big bed, and I love knowing you’re there, safe and sound, a couple of feet away from me. And you like it too. Remember last month when you were able to fall asleep without me being in the room? Yeah, you don’t do that anymore. I’m hoping this is part of the transition into the new house and that you’re going to be able to do it again (SOON, please) .

All summer we’ve had you go diaper-free while you’ve been at home, trying to fully potty train you, and I must say that it’s been working. Skipping training pants (we do have one pair of cloth training pants that you just end up using as a diaper) and moving slowly into big boy undies was our ticket to success, and now you’re even going to day care without a diaper on. You still wear one for naps and overnight, but the end is near, and it feels great. Because we’ve been putting you on the potty since you were three months old I feel done with it and just want it to be over. Never do I regret ECing with you, the less poopy diapers I have to clean the better, in my opinion, but it’s about time.

Your speech is getting more and more advanced, and now you speak in full sentences, using the words “I” and “and” and things like that. What used to be, “no school!” is now, “I don’t wanna go to school.” What used to be, “poop in da potty” is now, “I need to poop in the potty, no pooping on the floor, no pooping on the mat.” It’s pretty awesome to watch it happening, changing every day. You know your full alphabet, you’re starting to recognize the letters when seeing them in print, you can count to thirty with a little help and it’s amazing. Your teachers are impressed that you know all your animals (you’ve been able to tell the difference between a rhino and a hippo for months now) and their sounds, all the cars and their logos and you can sometimes even tell what kind of car it is just by the curves it has! You and I were out for a walk this month and you said, “a Porsche!” about a car that you’d never seen before, and lo and behold, as I read the back of the car (because I sure as hell don’t know about these things), it said Porsche.

One thing we realized this month is that you’re quickly growing out of your current book collection. You’ve started being able to sit for twenty minutes reading real books, not just baby board books with simple pictures and a simple storyline (if any at all). So soon we hope to stock up on a lot more advanced books for you.

This month I’ve tried to put everything else aside on our days together. One day specifically you and I had a wonderful day, full of handmade playdough and examining bugs and a trip to the playground. I feel so lucky to be your mom, but it’s easy to get caught up in errands and responsibilities and work on my days off, and you’re the one who suffers most. At the end of the day, after putting you to bed, I will still look at pictures of you, or videos of you, and miss you even though I just saw you ten seconds ago. It’s not enough, and sometimes I feel like I’ve got my life sorted and it’s balanced between being home with you and giving you a nice social life at school, but this month was hard and you started disliking school and clinging to us. I hope we figure something out soon because your happiness is my number one concern.

I have to say that this month has been amazing, mostly because of how well you’re able to communicate the things you want and how you’re feeling. Listening to you speak and realizing how much you actually HEAR and PROCESS is absolutely amazing. Sometimes if you hear a new word, you repeat it and it’s as if it goes into a vault and it’ll come out again- being used properly- without any more effort on your part. It’s so fascinating. All of the other perks of this month- the good sleeps, the lack of diapers etc have all been great, but being able to talk to you more than I ever have in your life trumps them all.

I love you so much, little man.

Love,
Mama

It’s about fucking time.

We’ve been in our new apartment for a couple of weeks now, and last week I unpacked my boxes of fabric and even destashed a LOT of it (but then I went shopping and found some real treasures… it’s a never ending cycle…) but it wasn’t until this week that I was really able to start sewing again.

There have been issues with the kid not wanting to fall asleep early, or me just needing to do chores around the house, or feeling just so wiped out at the end of the day the inspiration to sew just doesn’t come. Once I get started, though, the enthusiasm to see the finished product soon actually becomes overwhelming and I start daydreaming about being able to bring my sewing machine into my day job, or sticking Ash in front of some vintage Sesame Street just so I can get something accomplished (neither of which I do) (Cookie Monster youtube videos are strictly reserved for when I’m showering!).

I found this black and white fabric the other day and immediately fell in love. It’s so hard to find either black or white when second-hand shopping, so I scooped this up and made three bags out of it. I bought some sliders (to make adjustable purse straps) on Etsy a while ago, but they haven’t arrived yet, so I went to our local shop and bought a few so that I could finish these sooner than later. I don’t know why I didn’t learn how to do it sooner, it is surprisingly easy to make purse straps adjustable, but I can’t learn everything at once.

These are the most well-constructed bags I’ve ever made in my life, and- dare I say it- don’t even look handmade (not that my other ones did, but these REALLY don’t). As someone who is completely self-taught, I feel pretty proud.

This body form (and the barn wood wall) is from my day job, I went in there today for a couple of minutes to take some shots, and I love how it looks. It’s going to have to be something I do from now on.

Clive was awesome and took care of Ash for most of the day (he went fishing last Sunday for about four hours while I took care of Ash, so he owed me… also: tag teaming is AWESOME) so I was able to complete over a dozen new cowls. I have added a few on Etsy, and will be adding more in the next couple of days. Believe it or not, it often takes more time to photograph them and then do the required editing than it takes to sew the damn things.

Our bedroom (not shown: one king sized, one twin mattress smooched together to form a happy co-sleeping environment cause it’s not pretty)

Our kitchen. It’s very retro, with wainscoting, mustard paint and floral wallpaper. I love it though.

The flooring of the kitchen and my favorite part of the hardwood. Instead of all going in one direction like most houses nowadays, you get this puzzle-piece sort of look that adds so much more character.

Ash’s bedroom doesn’t have a bed since it’s beside ours. Instead, it’s full of his toys. We found this shelving unit on the side of the road a couple of years ago, and we brought it in and I painted it a dark camo green. It was in our living room at the last place even though it was ugly and I bought another can of paint (I love cheap reject paint!) and now it’s in Ash’s room and I have fallen back in love with it. It’s solid wood and HEAVY.

I found this at Value Village about a year ago for $7.99 and it reminds me of my elementary school days. I couldn’t pass it up.

I found this table and chairs (wooden, of course) at a second hand store for $15 this spring. Ash finger paints on it, and I’ve never bothered to wash it off. There’s an inscription in the bottom, some little girl got it as a present in 1992.

The day before we moved to our new house, I went to Salvation Army and found this old, old, old (and very loved) doll house for $1.99. It came with a few pieces of wooden furniture and some plastic dolls. I’m getting Ash some Plan Toys dolls for his birthday, so I’ll be giving those back to the Sally Ann soon.

The day we took Ash home from the hospital we passed by this old record player on the side of the road, and as soon as we took him inside I ordered Clive back out to pick it up and bring it into our apartment. We’d just moved from Ontario and had no furniture (it took us six months to even get a couch), and so I was desperate for SOMETHING to fill the house with. We kept it in its crappy state until just recently, when I went to the paint store again to look for more reject paint, and found a neutral beige/ivory. A couple of coats, and it’s nearly done. I’m going to cover the speakers with some foam board with an old map of Paris, and it’ll be complete! I can’t wait to find time to do that. (It’s moved from our front entrance in the last picture to the office/dining room.) The total cost for this piece is $7.

The window above it I found about a month ago, outside of our apartment. I scooped it up immediately and ranks as my very favorite piece of street treasure. It’s filthy and has duct tape glue on the window pane and I absolutely fucking love it. We’ve got to rig it differently because right now the fishing line is showing and we don’t want it to. But it’ll do for now.

I’ve been focusing on artwork for this new house and made a couple of Etsy purchases, including one from my sister, and so I’m happy that this piece by Shannon Larratt has company on our walls.

Our backyard is overrun by weeds, but Ash loves going out there and “peeing in the grass.” He’s naked except for socks and shoes in this picture. Anything is better than peeing in his diaper, as far as I’m concerned. I mourn summer already.

So, that’s pretty much it. Our office/dining room isn’t very exciting, and the basement wouldn’t show well in pictures, so you don’t get to see those. I absolutely LOVE where we’re living and I feel so lucky to have found this gem of a home. It’s cozy and huge and I’m inspired by its every nook and cranny.

So, today was Ash’s first public temper tantrum. Except he didn’t know that he was supposed to cry and scream. So, instead he just layed on the floor in protest (he wanted to push his umbrella stroller with no help, but HELLO, he’s two and not very good at steering).

(So, after smiling and laughing at him, yes, I took a picture. So did our friend Josh. We thought it was more funny than anything.)

I scored big today, a day after I purged a lot of my collection of fabric that I mentioned here the other day, on really great stuff that has inspired me to keep sewing. Last night I spent a couple of hours unpacking all of my sewing stuff- except my large collection of thread. Has anyone seen it? And today I went shopping and got a lot of wonderful material.

This means purses will be in the Pip Robins shop soon. Horah!

Ash loves sushi.

Ash and I had an absolutely fantastic day together today. After last night’s bedtime clusterfuck, I was not really looking forward to spending the day together, to be frank, but we made the most of it anyway, and I’m so thrilled we did. Playground, examining bugs and rocks outside, painting bookshelves together, making and playing with playdough (that was supposed to be pink or purple, but I burned the blueberries while trying to get the juice out and was too lazy to try again, so it ended up being brown), his first grilled cheese sandwich and corn from the cob, two walks, lots of playing with cars and his tricycle and healthy food. Books before bed, a good nurse and then asleep within twenty minutes. Such a wonderful day.

Here are a few images of our house, not showing the mess or unpacked boxes. Even though I may hate them come winter when I’m paying outrages oil heating bills, I love these old heaters. They’re in every room.

If anyone has any amount of stuff to move, may I just say that hiring a moving company is THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD, Holy Shit. 2.5 hours and everything we owned was in a truck, moved 2km across town, and into our new house, in the rooms we wanted the boxes and furniture that they were supposed to be. $75/hr plus tip and we were done. It would have taken us all day, plus renting a UHaul, plus the cost of beer and pizza to “pay” our friends for helping us move. Plus, no one wants to help anyone move. It sucks.

I will post pictures once we get more boxes unpacked.

Ash is settling in alright… the transition isn’t as horrendous as it was last time. The biggest thing we notice is that he doesn’t want to sleep. One night it wasn’t until midnight. Saturday and Monday he skipped his nap completely. Tonight I finally got him down at 10pm. I’m not sure if it’s the move, if he misses me (ding!ding!ding!ding!) or if he’s getting too old to keep napping. All I know is that it’s one of the most frustrating parts of parenting- the bedtime. FUCK IT, FUCK IT ALL, is basically my point of view. I hate it. Seriously fucking hate it. You can’t force someone to sleep, no matter how much you want to.

It makes me want to smoke. That’s how bad it is. I get so stressed out that my first instinct, after four years of being a non-smoker, is that I need a cigarette.

***

It wasn’t until I packed up all my fabric that I realized just how much I have. It’s seriously a problem. I’m going to HAVE to go through it and weed some out, because it’s out of control. This picture doesn’t even include all of it. I have another two Rubbermaid containers and half a dozen full bolts of fabric that likely have well over 100m more… I think I have a problem.